I’m Rereading the Letters You Wrote to Me

“I will always be here if you need me. Smile!!!”

But ironically I can’t smile because you’re gone. I just can’t get away from it, and I can’t deal with the possibility that you could’ve done something like that. I just want to curl up in my bed so everything can go away.

But I can’t. And I was dumb enough to think that work would be just as effective. Escape in corporate hell? Haha funny jokes. It’s just me standing around doing nothing for almost six hours, doing the maximum amount of time before they have to give me a lunch break.

But that’s not all. A customer said “I heard that there was something between the earth science teacher and the librarian” WELL I DONT FUCKING KNOW LADY BUT PLEASE DONT ASK ME.

I loved you like you were part of my family, because in my eyes you were. It’s like losing my dad but knowing that he’s still out there, but I can’t get in contact with him and I don’t know why. My heart hurts and it gets so bad I can’t move sometimes from that thought in my head that circles around endlessly:

He’s not coming back.

This is forever, and it makes me sick. I’ve spent the past week with a perpetual stomach ache and tired eyes, not sleeping or eating well because nothing is appetizing. The only chance I get to see you is when I dream about begging you to come back. Once I succeeded, and it was even worse when I woke up.

It’s been a hellish week, and the sad irony is that you are the only person who could possibly help me think this through, talk this through, and find a solution in the solace of your room, dimly lit by a lamp, soft jazz playing over the speakers.

Some think the ocean is my happy place, but it was really your science classroom.

I can’t say goodbye.

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