It’s always a little bit hard on therapy days.
I bear my soul for an hour and then go back to school like nothing happened, like I didn’t just talk and talk and talk about my feelings and what’s happening to me. It’s hard to gel back into normal conversation, because I’m so emotionally raw, I just can’t feel or communicate properly.
It went downhill from there.
Annie is the only one who understands how I feel about Hurlburt. It’s nice to have regular check ins with her, it’s nice to talk to someone who actually understands how it felt to lose him.
We continued to talk until tap.
She doesn’t understand how much I love her, how much I appreciate her presence. Hurlburt brought us back together, and honestly I am so glad he did… even though I wish he was still here.
He would know what to do. He would tell me that everything will be okay; that if he’s cheating on his girlfriend already, their relationship is bound to end anyways.
Actually no, he wouldn’t say that. He would tell me that I deserve better than a boy that isn’t willing to make sacrifices for me; I’m better than the situation that I’m in.
But it’s just so hard, so hard, to go back to the way we were. You can’t unsay all of those things, and I can’t unhear everything either. Ugh I want to do more, I want to be more, I want to be yours and I want you to be mine. I had a slice of heaven, just a teaser of what could be, but it’s not enough. I want you to be all mine for always, and I don’t want to share you with anyone else, especially not another girl.
I got home today after tap and no one said hello to me. No one even noticed I had gotten from home yet until I said something about project runway, after I was sitting for a good 10 minutes. I don’t know, I didn’t feel like I was welcomed home. And he wasn’t at home, meaning he’s probably at his girlfriend’s house having dinner.
But it’s fine, I’m not bitter.